If there is one thing that I wish to see come true, it would be to dance with the person that I love. Two proms and a graduation ball have produced just mere air to my aching heart. My relationships never reached that fated event and it has jaded me. Being surrounded with friends that seem to be in luck by having it happen to them at least once, I start to think that I’m not fated for such an experience. But, is that the true case or is that bitterness in my heart just talking?
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Forgive me for this melodramatic snippet as it is a product of listening to I’ll Be by Edwin McCain and studying for Math. I hate and love the song. I hate how it brings back bitter feelings, but I love the message of the song.
If there is something that I hate about us is that we don’t talk anymore. There is this apparent distance that even if we’re in the same room, we are quick to avoid each other’s gazes and presence. If I had foreseen this conclusion, I wouldn’t have dated you the second time around because we had managed to patch up our friendship months after the first split. Moreover, you were that best friend who would tell me random scientific facts that made me question how much you know and at the same time, the one who let me appreciate science more. If I had foreseen this, I would’ve kept you as just my midnight friend.
I dislike how I am currently writing a memoir about our break up. I had never asked you the reason behind the second split, but now, I start to wonder what that reason could be. These thoughts started appearing when I finally decided to write about you for a school requirement, because the words of my professor were, “write something that is memorable and continue to plague your thoughts.” Our break up was quick to appear just from the the reason stated beginning this paragraph.
Tell me, how are you doing in your program? It surprised me a bit that you pursued your dream to become a doctor considering you had immersed yourself in Math for you high school life. All I see of you now are pictures that appear from time to time on my FB dashboard concerning your escapades with IMed blockmates. Seeing the smile on your face gives me that feeling of content that your life has turned better.
Maybe I’m the sentimental one hoping for something intangible or unattainable. That is the pain that continues lingering in my heart concerning you— the pain of losing someone important. Once I submit my memoir’s final draft, I will forget you just as you might have been wishing from a distance all this time.
Thank you for those bittersweet memories, but I think I should let it go now.