Breaking the Negative Conditioning

There was this moment during Psychology class that my brain blacked out upon hearing a certain question on the fact that it hit me right at home— “how do you see conditioning in a relationship with your significant other?” At that moment, so many thoughts ran through my head that I had no idea what to share, which to share, how to share, so I ended up creating this safety bubble in my head— though it isn’t effective when challenged by a piercing gaze from a seatmate 4-5 chairs away.

Having come from two unsuccessful relationships with one being a trial relationship, there’s so much emotion and stress that comes to dealing with the after effects. For me, it was dealing with the feeling of inadequacy. There is so much negative energy that forms when one is at the receiving end that it reaches a point wherein one feels that giving up is the only solution. Giving up in this aspect is defined as conditioning the mind into believing that there is zero possibility of someone liking one’s self back. This conditioning is further strengthened on crushes and moves that don’t connect or just simply flop. Then there are also instances when there is a chance only to be given a smack to the face that one was being led on.

Then, there is that person who just happens to be there who decides to believe that he wants to make a difference in a person’s perceived-hopeless love life.

Meet the MIS major who decided to make a difference— the gift that the Lord decided that it was time that I have. Maybe the Lord decided that I had enough contemplation in my life and enough acceptance of my past moments to move forward and change. I would like to think that my perceptions on life and love have changed after two relationship mishaps in my life. In the end, I’m grateful for this gift and I plan to treasure it as much as I can.

Advertisements

Fleeting Steps

If there is one thing that I wish to see come true, it would be to dance with the person that I love. Two proms and a graduation ball have produced just mere air to my aching heart. My relationships never reached that fated event and it has jaded me. Being surrounded with friends that seem to be in luck by having it happen to them at least once, I start to think that I’m not fated for such an experience. But, is that the true case or is that bitterness in my heart just talking?

– – –

Forgive me for this melodramatic snippet as it is a product of listening to I’ll Be by Edwin McCain and studying for Math. I hate and love the song. I hate how it brings back bitter feelings, but I love the message of the song.