Breaking the Negative Conditioning

There was this moment during Psychology class that my brain blacked out upon hearing a certain question on the fact that it hit me right at home— “how do you see conditioning in a relationship with your significant other?” At that moment, so many thoughts ran through my head that I had no idea what to share, which to share, how to share, so I ended up creating this safety bubble in my head— though it isn’t effective when challenged by a piercing gaze from a seatmate 4-5 chairs away.

Having come from two unsuccessful relationships with one being a trial relationship, there’s so much emotion and stress that comes to dealing with the after effects. For me, it was dealing with the feeling of inadequacy. There is so much negative energy that forms when one is at the receiving end that it reaches a point wherein one feels that giving up is the only solution. Giving up in this aspect is defined as conditioning the mind into believing that there is zero possibility of someone liking one’s self back. This conditioning is further strengthened on crushes and moves that don’t connect or just simply flop. Then there are also instances when there is a chance only to be given a smack to the face that one was being led on.

Then, there is that person who just happens to be there who decides to believe that he wants to make a difference in a person’s perceived-hopeless love life.

Meet the MIS major who decided to make a difference— the gift that the Lord decided that it was time that I have. Maybe the Lord decided that I had enough contemplation in my life and enough acceptance of my past moments to move forward and change. I would like to think that my perceptions on life and love have changed after two relationship mishaps in my life. In the end, I’m grateful for this gift and I plan to treasure it as much as I can.

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College Plans v2

After postponing my meeting with the Chairman of the Political Science (POS) Department of Ateneo for one whole summer semester, I was finally able to meet her on the last formal day of exams. However, I don’t think scheduling a meeting with her (again) would’ve happened if my dad didn’t finally agree to my aspirations.

Aspiration

I was planning to give up my double degree in BS Chemistry and BS Material Science Engineering for a double degree in BS Chemistry and AB Diplomacy and International Relations. However, in the event that it isn’t possible, I was going to settle for a minor in Global Politics.

Back Story

To be honest, I was one of the Chemistry majors who placed CH-MSE as their choice because Material Science Engineering sounded so badass. However, hearing the current superseniors say that the MSE degree makes one feel like a half-baked potato, I decided otherwise. The initial plan was to shift out and take a minor; that was it, but along the way, the what-ifs started to appear and one of them was my aspiration. If I hadn’t gone to a science school, I would’ve taken International Relations. The interest towards that sector of politics never left me and so I said why not.

It took me around 2 months to get my dad to approve. At first, I said I wanted to shift to that course, causing my dad to go into this lecture on why shifting is bad. The problem with having a lawyer as a dad— he knows how to break one’s hopes, but that’s the thing. The benefit of having a lawyer dad is that he makes you discern how much you want something. I let a few weeks of the summer semester pass by to discern and to get my dad warmed up to the idea. He still couldn’t see how I’d survive with an AB Diplomacy and International Relations degree; honestly, I still can’t either. However, the week before finals, I brought it up again and his reply made me smile that day.

“Just as long as you graduate from Chem, then sure.”

 It sounded daunting at first, but I took on the challenge. That was when I contacted Ma’am Alma, the Chairman of the POS Department.

Verdict

Just from the initial exchange of words with Ma’am Alma, I figured that luck had been on my side. She was entertained by the idea of having a SOSE major take on a SOSS Program for a second major. She had this smile on her face the whole time as if it was her first time hearing such a feat. That made me smile because I saw someone who was planning to immerse herself in a new experiment. She told me that it was possible as long as I had the guts to pursue it. She pointed out my first “homework”— to finish all the required FLC units. I’m done with 1 out of 4, so 3 more to go. She suggested taking all of it during 3rd year, which I’m planning to do. She was even willing to talk to the other departments on whether some of my units can be credited such as my Hi16 for Hi16.5.

Yes, my plan to be a CH-DPIR major is on schedule. I just hope everything stays with me until 4th year wherein my two majors will start to clash and 5th year wherein I’ll be purely immersed into DPIR.

Third Day Of Colds

My dad calls it the irritating nose drip, which is a complete understatement. It is beyond irritating because it makes me feels weak and sluggish leading to the inability to work. Yet, it’s also the sign that my body has grown unaccustomed to waking up at 6am after the beauty I’d calls as my second semester schedule.

Last semester, I would wake up at 10am on Mondays & Wednesdays since my first class would be at 11:30. On Tuesdays & Thursday, 8am since my class started at 9am. Fridays, it’d be 7am since my class starts at 8am. It was pure heaven. No need to wake up at 6am. All-nighters became non-All-nighters. It was rather relaxing.

Two days of classes have gone by and I’m actually excited to attend two out of my three classes: EC102 & CH36. My teacher for EC102 has managed to keep me awake in his classes amidst my obvious lack of sleep in the first two days, especially on the second day. As for CH36, I just really love lab period even though the reports before and after the experiment itself are a hassle and time suckers.

My teachers this semester are rather chill in terms of their classroom rules and policies. For example, my CH35 teacher approves of being 10-minute late  and sleeping in class since sleeping cause less disturbance than talking with seatmate. My EC102 allows unli-cuts with the condition that our grade is affected if we do so. Moreover, he doesn’t mind texting in class. It’s the same reasoning— as long as you don’t disturb your classmates.

I’m looking forward to this semester (even though the heat sucks).

College Plans v1

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I didn’t pass abroad, so I decided to seriously plan out what I plan to take for the remainder of my stay in Ateneo.

CHEMISTRY

I’m still set in continuing my life as a Chemistry major. After two semester of General Chemistry classes and two Chemistry professors with two different teaching styles, I still have the interest in Chemistry deep in my heart. I don’t think it’ll be going anywhere soon considering the effect that the Chemistry classes in PSHS have placed me in. Moreover, my experiences concerning Chemistry have managed to continue putting a smile on my face amidst the stress and work load that it throws at me. Plus, I firmly believe that I still have the duty to uphold my contract.

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS

Honestly, if I weren’t tied to the PSHS contract, I would’ve taken a program connected to International Relations. I may not be into Philippine Politics, because those have always been overly chaotic and media hyped, but I love the intricacies involved between parties from different countries. Maybe I was looking to abroad for some kind of escape from the contract that ties me down, but I don’t think that is the case now.

THE SOLUTION

In order to cater to both wants, I have devised two plans that will guarantee myself courses connected to International Relations. Of course, I will be meeting the Political Science Department’s chairman, Ma’am Alma, to discuss my idea, but here is the current layout.

1. Giving up my MSE degree for one in Diplomacy and International Relations

This option is the extreme of the two options that I’ll be showing, because going through it will be chaotic. A teacher that mentored me in high school states that this idea is crazy considering the load that I’m already taking as a Chemistry major and advises me to rethink this option. I know it will be difficult to adjust considering laboratory schedules of Chemistry majors are rigid, but I believe that I should still try getting into this.

If ever, I might request if it is possible to just get an International Relations degree only, like a step up from the minor that the department provides, but not as rigorous as the Diplomacy and International Relations track.

2. Keeping my MSE degree and taking a Global Politics Minor

This is the non-stressful and non-chaotic option from the two, but it also is the most normal. It is normal for a student to take minors during his stay in the Ateneo, so I feel like I’m not attempting something different. Moreover, I feel like the Global Politics minor isn’t specialized in the course that have to be taken unlike the ones of International Relations. I will probably discuss with the department chairman if it is possible to alter the required courses of the Global Politics minor.

The upside to taking this minor is that I haven’t come across a Chemistry major who has taken a minor from the Political Science department, so I’ll be going in unguided, but I think that is where the fun is at.

THE VERDICT

<to follow after my meeting on Tuesday>