Kingky: OMG. You /are/ a girl.

I think I haven’t felt what it’s like to be a girl for so long that I’m still feeling over-elated by a certain experience. It’s quite scary in my perspective— having been out of the game for so long. The overwhelming wave of giddiness and happiness can be quite the trick to get my attention quickly. Behind the anxiety from the experience, it’s quite refreshing to remember that I am a girl and that I still act like a girl.

I’m immensely happy with the first two days of classes. No amount of dresses and monthly periods could remind me this much that I am still a girl. It’s nice to be reminded that I am one and from someone who greatly cares for me (or I assume he does).

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College Plans v2

After postponing my meeting with the Chairman of the Political Science (POS) Department of Ateneo for one whole summer semester, I was finally able to meet her on the last formal day of exams. However, I don’t think scheduling a meeting with her (again) would’ve happened if my dad didn’t finally agree to my aspirations.

Aspiration

I was planning to give up my double degree in BS Chemistry and BS Material Science Engineering for a double degree in BS Chemistry and AB Diplomacy and International Relations. However, in the event that it isn’t possible, I was going to settle for a minor in Global Politics.

Back Story

To be honest, I was one of the Chemistry majors who placed CH-MSE as their choice because Material Science Engineering sounded so badass. However, hearing the current superseniors say that the MSE degree makes one feel like a half-baked potato, I decided otherwise. The initial plan was to shift out and take a minor; that was it, but along the way, the what-ifs started to appear and one of them was my aspiration. If I hadn’t gone to a science school, I would’ve taken International Relations. The interest towards that sector of politics never left me and so I said why not.

It took me around 2 months to get my dad to approve. At first, I said I wanted to shift to that course, causing my dad to go into this lecture on why shifting is bad. The problem with having a lawyer as a dad— he knows how to break one’s hopes, but that’s the thing. The benefit of having a lawyer dad is that he makes you discern how much you want something. I let a few weeks of the summer semester pass by to discern and to get my dad warmed up to the idea. He still couldn’t see how I’d survive with an AB Diplomacy and International Relations degree; honestly, I still can’t either. However, the week before finals, I brought it up again and his reply made me smile that day.

“Just as long as you graduate from Chem, then sure.”

 It sounded daunting at first, but I took on the challenge. That was when I contacted Ma’am Alma, the Chairman of the POS Department.

Verdict

Just from the initial exchange of words with Ma’am Alma, I figured that luck had been on my side. She was entertained by the idea of having a SOSE major take on a SOSS Program for a second major. She had this smile on her face the whole time as if it was her first time hearing such a feat. That made me smile because I saw someone who was planning to immerse herself in a new experiment. She told me that it was possible as long as I had the guts to pursue it. She pointed out my first “homework”— to finish all the required FLC units. I’m done with 1 out of 4, so 3 more to go. She suggested taking all of it during 3rd year, which I’m planning to do. She was even willing to talk to the other departments on whether some of my units can be credited such as my Hi16 for Hi16.5.

Yes, my plan to be a CH-DPIR major is on schedule. I just hope everything stays with me until 4th year wherein my two majors will start to clash and 5th year wherein I’ll be purely immersed into DPIR.

A Letter of Gratitude to Mr. Angel

It’s obvious from the title what I want to say to you— a thank you for managing to turn my horrendous week into something worth smiling about in the end. Your replies to any of my inquiries were apt and at times, you shared even more, but I think I owe you an explanation behind requesting that playlist.

The thing about confessing your feelings to someone is that you are left with two roads that even you can’t decide on: it works or it fails. My confession to you might’ve worked, but the events following it didn’t (oh this life of mine~). However, what happens if it fails? Well, you’re left with two options: you accept it and continue to be friends with the person or you accept it and distance yourself.

I told someone about my feelings last week Tuesday and the result— well, it started my horrendous set of days. I wanted to continue being friends with the guy, but as his reasons and actions started sinking in to my brain, it got to me— he didn’t have the right to anymore. Maybe I could understand a bit what it’s like to be dedicated to someone, but to let go of that dedication to a special someone for a moment and start giving hope to other people? I don’t think that was fair, especially if you’re the other party. It sucks even more when the reason he didn’t tell me earlier was that he was scared of ruining a friendship. Well, females in the population aren’t all the same in thinking.

The negative moments that followed after look miniscule right now, but the negative energy that I had because of what happened may have amplified them too much. I did things impulsively for a while— not caring of the consequences. Go ahead— sue me for being human. Everyone is human and has a right to a fault caused by emotions.

Everything started to calm down when you accepted my request. I had asked you for a playlist not expecting that you’d take the time and effort to compile it. You didn’t demand for the exact reason behind wanting a playlist yet you still compiled one for me quickly. Moreover, you even asked if I had specific music preferences. Those small things made me smile and thankful. It made me feel better and think that someone truly cares about how I’m feeling. I still believe you’re that human angel that the Lord sent for me. You have this amazingly accurate timing— like you know when exactly to talk to me or to cheer me up with the small acts you do. Thank you so much.

#Gamechanger

I remember debating with myself in front of the PC whether I should take EC102 or ECE12 only to reach the conclusion that ECE12 is easier to re-snuggle. I was third batch of the summer enlistment and my friend suggested that I take a professor named Chua for EC102. He only had two reviews on Project Blue; both reviews were positive in nature. There were 17 slots left in the schedule that I wanted and I took it. I didn’t care about ECE12 anymore when I clicked it.

The first day of classes arrived and honestly, I was feeling quite jittery that day. I was the only one in my batch taking EC102 and I was the only Chemistry major in my class. I was worried on what was coming my way. Then, someone sat on the chair to my right. If I were to describe his outfit, it was the stereotypical SOM major wear— boat shoes, shorts, polo, and to top it off, he had shades. I didn’t take notice of him that much until he decided to start up a conversation with me.

Our conversation started with small chit-chat on what enlistment batch I was. He was surprised when I said that I was in the third batch, which sent flags through my head. Was my EC102 teacher that in demand? I know that our small talk drifted to course talk and was surprised to see a Chemistry major, leading to a discussion on Schmitt Hall supernatural stories and perks of being a Chemistry major.

Then the bell signaling it was 9am rang. However, there was no teacher in front, which got my attention. The guy beside me wondered how many we were and started counting the number of students in the room. His action also got my attention; then, he had this look of content after counting. He picked up his bag and went to the front— towards the teacher’s table. Yes, I had unknowingly made small chit-chat with my EC102 teacher. I was amused that one moment and I knew then that I would appreciate the class of Mr. R.Lance Chua.

If there is one thing that make Sir Lance stand out among the teachers that I’ve encountered so far in Ateneo is that passion and hope that he still has. He’s relatively young, so he hasn’t been that desensitized by the workings of the Philippine government, which could be the reason behind having so much hope. Moreover, this intense hope he has is for his students. Sure, he would teach us Economics— the essentials, but that wasn’t his main goal for teaching economics. No, he wanted us to strive in maintaining an advocacy; he wanted to instill in us the belief that the Philippines could become better, but it had to start with those who are well off. To him, his students are game changers. It was his practicality and forward-thinking that got me going to his classes everyday (except one session wherein I was dead tired). He always had so much to offer that it motivated me to continue striving.

Mr. R.Lance Chua had made my decision to ditch ECE12 very worth it. Moreover, his discussions that concern an international perspective solidified the part in me that loves International Relations. I might actually consider taking the Diplomacy track of the POS department. My Economics teacher in high school may have astounded me with how he conducted classes, but Sir Lance made me see the country in a different perspective while highlighting the economics behind it.

For those planning to take EC102 in the future, pray and hope that you get Mr. R.Lance Chua. He is worth it amidst the scary distribution of requirement percentages.

Be a #GAMECHANGER

Third Day Of Colds

My dad calls it the irritating nose drip, which is a complete understatement. It is beyond irritating because it makes me feels weak and sluggish leading to the inability to work. Yet, it’s also the sign that my body has grown unaccustomed to waking up at 6am after the beauty I’d calls as my second semester schedule.

Last semester, I would wake up at 10am on Mondays & Wednesdays since my first class would be at 11:30. On Tuesdays & Thursday, 8am since my class started at 9am. Fridays, it’d be 7am since my class starts at 8am. It was pure heaven. No need to wake up at 6am. All-nighters became non-All-nighters. It was rather relaxing.

Two days of classes have gone by and I’m actually excited to attend two out of my three classes: EC102 & CH36. My teacher for EC102 has managed to keep me awake in his classes amidst my obvious lack of sleep in the first two days, especially on the second day. As for CH36, I just really love lab period even though the reports before and after the experiment itself are a hassle and time suckers.

My teachers this semester are rather chill in terms of their classroom rules and policies. For example, my CH35 teacher approves of being 10-minute late  and sleeping in class since sleeping cause less disturbance than talking with seatmate. My EC102 allows unli-cuts with the condition that our grade is affected if we do so. Moreover, he doesn’t mind texting in class. It’s the same reasoning— as long as you don’t disturb your classmates.

I’m looking forward to this semester (even though the heat sucks).

The Official Letter To Mr. Panda

Breaks between semesters are the best ways to test if an attraction stays or not. I’ve gone through two agonizing breaks carrying these feelings of attraction towards you.  They were agonizing in the context of those periods because the feeling of attraction was new. I would say the mantra of four months to calm myself down and to create the illusion that the attraction that I had towards you is a short-lived one. They were meant as comfort words to calm what could be raging levels of oxytocin, except the attraction never left even after four months. “Take a leap.” I ended up telling myself that and thus the string of acts that I did.

However, there is this saying that third time is the charm. It was the third break between semesters that I realized that I needed to let go of this attraction that I have towards you because I need my sanity back. Your mere presence online sends me into frenzy with the main question, “Should I talk to you?” They’ve been all too frequent that when you mentioned that you were going to offline a couple of days, I felt relieved. However, that was when I realized how much you had invaded my thoughts and it made me realize how unhealthy it was.

I want to go online without worrying that you’re online and whether I should talk to you. I want to walk through the tambayan without having to search for your presence there. I want to hangout at the tambayan without having to notice your voice stand out so much when you speak. I want my sanity back; therefore, I will let this attraction towards you go.

I’ll let the pieces fall into place this time. I won’t force them into arrangements that cause tension and pressure. I’ll take steps back to see what the bigger picture is supposed to be for my life and for our connection. I think that is the reason I’m not getting anywhere. I’ll stick to writing hopeless stories of love and attraction because my life has proven to be unstable for a setting of such a story.

Thank you Mr. Panda for being a part of my thoughts for a rather long period, but I think I’ll eliminate your presence in my mind from now on. Like you’d always say, “enjoy life.” I think I need to do that more without having you as part of its mixture.